@ShockTartBionic: I'm like Jason Bourne, only I'm not looking for exits in each room.. I'm looking for outlets & phone chargers.
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@SloanPerry: when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom
@1Happytwit: A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short - now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.
@curlycomedy: Songs with lyrics like, "We don't need sleep," why are you rebelling against naps? What are you--four?
@Reverend_Scott: We need a ride home. "I called a Gruber" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]