@AnOrangeSNES: I'm like Pac-Man because I travel in the dark to Dippin' Dots stands to eat them, all while getting chased by members of the Ku Klux Klan.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Dad! Dad! My sister- Me: Stop tattling. I don't want to hear about it unless there's blood. 5: Me: 5: How much blood?
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] I'm tired of staff that think they know everything! Do you know what I mean, Murray? "No, sir" I like your style, Murray.