@LeonEarlgrey: I'm like that guy at the beginning of infomercials that is unable to do simple shit, i just burns everything and i cant figure out blankets.
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: I read my mom that funny tweet you wrote. Me: Don't you mean THOSE funny TWEETS? Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: No. No, I don't.
@SarcasticAlly12: A waffle is just a more considerate pancake. It's like, here, let me hold that syrup for you in these convenient boxes.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: As a girl who grew up with an annoying little sister the most unrealistic thing about Frozen is how Elsa never tried to kill Anna on purpose