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@mrtruthandsoul: "I'm not a fan."
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day?
ME: Hardly any
D: That's excellent
ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser
@zachreinert03: Fear is not the same is respect. For instance I fear bears but integrity wise they are huge pieces of shit
@curlycomedy: How can you teach your child about adversity if you don't leave a diaper unchanged once in a while?
@DaHess1: Tonight's flirtation brought to you by the letter Booze.
It's a word? Whatever, man. I don't know algebra and shit.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.