@LogicLaughs: I'm Not A People Person, Or A Morning Person, Or An Evening Person, Or A Going-Out Person, Or A Staying-In.. I'm Not Even Sure I'm A Person.
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@Black__Elvis: I’m hot blooded, check it & see/ I got a fever of 103/ why’s everyone on the bus screaming/ maybe I shoulda wiped off the rectal thermometer
@KyleMcDowell86: [getting pulled over] Me: R u a bear cop? Bear cop: Is that a problem? Me: As long as you're not a maul cop *mauls me for bad pun*
@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.