@EnvysDeadNana: I'm not above apologizing for my drunken behavior I'm just sick of repeating myself
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@HunkyBeefy: "What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?" "An octopus?" "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"
@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
@LizHackett: THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this.