@tnylgn: I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Spider-Man's a great addition to The Avengers, if they're looking for a superhero who is best at watching people they love die.
@SCbchbum: If you want to hear an elderly couple arguing for 2 hrs about whether they closed their garage door, go to a movie at 11AM on a weekday.
@Sassafrantz: If you go to the zoo and he doesn't help you steal a monkey, he's not that into you.
@Iwriteforcats: I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.