@weinerdog4life: I'm not allowed at the gym anymore because I dropped my chili dog on the treadmill
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@aveuaskew: For a cat named Jingles, his tambourine accompaniment to my blistering bongo solo isn't that impressive.
@NicestHippo: "It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside" ME: Oh thank god "It's who you are on the inside" ME: Dang
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."