@weinerdog4life: I'm not allowed at the gym anymore because I dropped my chili dog on the treadmill
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@Brentweets: "Hi doc!" "Hi! What is that behind your ear?" "Nice try, too old for the coin trick" "No it's a tumor" "Oh my god" "Kidding it's a quarter"
@Cheeseboy22: If you're wondering what all these scratches on my chest are from, it's because my cat hates to get in the hot tub with me.
@EhhBartt: I RT a bunch of awesome stuff. nnBecause its funny. And I needed to hide my tweets from last night.
@goodhairperson: Her hands were garlic breadsticks of action. Her face was a Cesar salad of expression.