@Parentpains: I'm not an olympic sprinter, I just run like one when my ex wants to talk.
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@TheRolo: *Rides unicorn to work* *Gives Bigfoot hi-five* *Chats with mermaids* *Argues with Medusa* *Gets called in to HR* *Fails drug test*
@behindyourback: If Jesus loves me how come he's never liked a single one of my instagram selfies
@GrowlyGrego: Apostrophes are important. "I fed the dog" "I f'ed the dog" Learn this simple rule. Your friendship with Sarah McLachlan depends on it.