@Parentpains: I'm not an olympic sprinter, I just run like one when my ex wants to talk.
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@brentcetera: SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME’S TOM AND I’LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER
@I_Am_Iron_Dad: Don't look at me like that, Barbie. We're both stuck in this playhouse. Just drink your tea. The toddler will tell us what to do next.
@sad_tree: "Dad what IS the moon?" It is cheese. Delicious cheese. Thats why rats come out at nite, to look at it. We must never let rats on the moon.
@the_moonface: Maybe if we start smacking people when they say something stupid, evolution will eventually create a delay between thinking and speaking.