@just1fool: I'm not gullible but she said I was the best she's ever had and then to wait by the phone for instructions on how to get my wallet back.
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@waelwulf: Careful, friends. [bends down and examines a handprint in the sidewalk] There is a very powerful child nearby.
@ibid78: [me after 1 minute of jogging] this is good, this was a good decision [me after 3 minutes of jogging] life is suffering, there is no god
@Brianhopecomedy: I hope that the missing puzzle piece my 5 year old has been searching the house for has nothing to do with my 2 year old's burp.
@PinkCamoTO: Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life. It keeps getting harder and I can't stop eating everything in sight.