@KelFocker: I'm not homophobic, I love my house!
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@DamonHunzeker: The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you.
@Carbosly: No thanks, fantasy football. I already have a fantasy boyfriend, a fantasy sex life & a fantasy bank account. I'm good.
@justabloodygame: [throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? "Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-" *loud knock* "It's the Roman legion. Open up!"
@samfromks: I told my 3 year old that Skittles are Care Bear meat and now I have the bag to myself.