@KelFocker: I'm not homophobic, I love my house!
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@JiminyKicksIt: It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
@abbycohenwl: Mama Bear: Ok but last time Papa Bear: Thanks, babe [she puts on a Goldilocks wig] Mama Bear (falsetto): I can't sleep here! It's toooo hard
@rockymomax: ME: [wearing donuts as glasses] did u just call me immature WIFE: yes ME: [removes donuts & tries to clean with shirt] your moms immature
@Brentweets: Pizza Hut is going gluten free so while you are dying from a heart attack you can atleast not have gas problems