@bornmiserable: I'm not John Madden, just John Disappointeden.
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@DirtMcTurd: Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant.
@CraveMyThoughts: Date someone who spoils you, always says how beautiful you are, and never thinks you've had enough to eat. Date your grandma
@brendohare: Hello. I'm the guy who sleepeats thousands of spiders every year and screws up the average for everyone. Sorry for scaring you.
@jakob_huber: Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza