@bornmiserable: I'm not John Madden, just John Disappointeden.
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@Tmoney68: BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water.
@PajamaBen_: *dad walks up to me stroking his beard* son, where do we keep the dog treats again? Im hun- *beard falls off revealing my dog. he runs away*
@GreenishDuck: Sure I'll eat square slices of pizza, but I'm thinking of triangular ones the whole time.
@ilovepie84: Whenever I see someone with spider web tattoos on their elbows I spray them with Raid and attempt to flush them down the toilet.