@CallMeMrBigs: I'm not looking for the woman who reads 50 Shades of Grey. I'm looking for the one that finds it boring.
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@duplicitron: What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh
@msdanifernandez: [during sex] him: Im so sorry. This literally never happens [takes out telescope to watch comet]