@MrPooni: "I'm not racist but..."
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@Andee_Stewart: I always close the door to the bathroom even if I'm home alone. What if someone broke in and saw me peeing? That would be so embarrassing
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: You should cut the grass. Me: Yes, dear. W: And, you really need to trim that bush. M: *mumbles* Yeah, you too. W: What? M: Yes, dear.
@goldengateblond: "We had unprotected sex. Give us a present." -- the subtext of every baby shower
@TheToddWilliams: Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn