@turkeyheadmac: No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive I won't have a clue how to get back here

@iinkedZombie: Old friend: I barely recognize you. "That's the look I was going for. "

@_b1p0larbear: Long story short: Always check headphones for spiders before you put them on.

@tastefactory: BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir

@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Daddy, what's a facial? Me: Your brother. 5yo: I don't have a brother!? Me: Exactly!