@KeinyoWhite: "I'm not racist, but," -Racists
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@EndhooS: I invited Alan over for dinner. "Alan Jacobs? Or Alan who thinks he's Captain America?" *a badly painted bin lid smashes through the window*
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: Barbie is mad at Ken. *pushes their faces together* Me: Did they kiss and make up? 5: No. She headbutted him.
@blasphe_me: I guess it's not socially acceptable to put my hand in the shape of a gun into my mouth in the middle of a conversation.