@Mikecanrant: I'm not racist. I hate all races equally. Especially the 100 meter dash. All short and Olympickish.
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@CakeThrottle: Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.
@DurtMcHurtt: I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon.
@nurserycrimes: a romantic scene where we're running toward each other but then i run past you and pick up your dog
@murrman5: [waiting with friend for his test results] "I'm nervous" I'm sure you're fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*