@WhaJoTalkinBout: I'm not saying four kids is too many, I'm just saying it would be kind of cool if I could melt them all down to form one kid, that's all.
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@CourtneyBale: Me: So excited for the weekend! Predatory alien in disguise: Same here! Sooo easy to catch, right M: Huh P: The weakened M: What P: What
@murrman5: [in car with wife] "did you take $20 from my purse?" *sips $3 coffee* no *gets rear ended and $17 worth of sour candy falls out of glovebox*
@TheRolo: "Your lifeguard résumé is just a pic of David Hasselhoff" I feel it says all u need to know about me "He's drunk with a cheeseburger" Yes
@CrashTestDrummy: A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes...