@fightforfood: I'm not saying Goldilocks was a piece of shit, but she broke into someone's house and just started eating their breakfast.
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@mjkspeaks: [meeting with boss] "I need you to go back and fix something that broke yesterday." "I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TIME MACHINE!"
@Home_Halfway: I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality.
@audipenny: Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?
@comer310: Kid: Are you the babysitter? Sting: Yes. Every breath you take. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. It'll be fun! Kid: *horrified*