@TheBoydP: I’m not saying it’s hard for me to lose weight, I’m just saying if you interrupt me when I’m eating I’m starting over.
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@ValeeGrrl: Husband: *hacks up lung* I think I'm comin down with something Me: lol ok whatever Kid: *tiny cough* Me: OMG MY POOR BABY COME TO MOMMA
@MarlonBrandNO: [First Date] "Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*