@thentherewasmo: I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well
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@astutenewf: Based on how much my bones and joints pop when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm 80% rice krispies.
@nthonyswan: Airlines. Graciously giving you the choice to have feet, or a personal item, but not both.
@mzyvonne7: I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if I die next Thursday
@Jacksawyerr: Sorry, the dog stood on my keyboard and liked that Instagram photo of you from 47 weeks ago.