@thentherewasmo: I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [opening can of Russian Pringles] once u pop u [inside can is a slightly smaller can] huh [inside that can is an even smaller can] wtf [in..
@tastefactory: Hey u should give your secret boss this Coke. *bottle says "Share a Coke w/ the Drug Maker Guy"* *undercover cop's fake mustache falls off*
@sumpeoplelikeit: If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.
@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.