@skin_and_i: I'm not stalking you but I have managed to trace your family tree back to 1724
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@trentistweeting: The amount of tinder matches I've gotten has skyrocketed since I changed my interests from "Murdering" to "Not Murdering"
@ibid78: Momma bird: welcome to the world! Baby bird: thx! M: for the next few months instead of food, I'ma just throw up in your mouth. B: wait what
@LizHackett: God returns to his desk with lunch. Taking a bite, he looks over at video monitors marked "Earth". The avocado drops out of his sandwich.
@robfee: I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"