@cheeky__gal: I'm not the girl you should put on speakerphone.
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@runawaycupcake: The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard: I'm so sorry your grandma died? I love you?
@KeetPotato: [at dave's who has like 9 dogs] me: "what d'you call a fly with no wings" dave: "keith dont" me: "a WALK!" [drowns in a tidal wave of dogs]
@meladoodle: this is the police, we have u surrounded come out with your hands on ur head, then ur shoulders, okay good now knees and toes knees and toes