@othersome: I'm not the hero Gotham deserves. I'm Pete I work at Subway. Do u want extra meetballs.
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@Try2StopME: Student: "May I go to the toilet?" Teacher: "What for?" Student: "To open the Chamber of Secrets"
@iamkevinito: Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.
@badbanana: I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.
@JMNuch23: When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply by 3 and add the number of guys in her phone named Tyler