@KKAlThani: I'm not the jealous type. And no I don't know why every time you talk to someone the police find their body dumped in a river the next day.
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@jergarl: "Calm down" I suggested. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT CALM?" she carved in the side of my truck.
@Tmoney68: [Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later.
@sad_tree: *returns tent to Target* CASHIER: What was the problem? ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent
@garrettbarry70: A pop up blocker for coworkers who send you an email and immediately show up at your desk to ask if you got their email.