@omically: I'm not transphobic, I used to play with toy locomotives all the time!
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@sixthformpoet: If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day.
@NotOnTheMoors: You could've cut the atmosphere with a knife; disapproval radiated from every doorway. I'd missed cat feeding time by two hours.
@AddledPixie: I've trapped dozens of birds and woodland creatures in my room but not one has helped me get dressed, and they're just shitting everywhere.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why didn't you talk to me about renting a bouncy house?! me [stops jumping]: You would have said no