@omically: I'm not transphobic, I used to play with toy locomotives all the time!
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@courtneyno: The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours.
@Irish_Dinosaur: "you should be more serious, sir. this is arson." "no this is MY son!" *tousles his hair* "ha ha ha. so how many houses did the rascal burn"
@topaz_kell: [getting murdered] Me: "Could you please stop for a second?" *gives murderer a Snickers