@CountMackula: Im not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
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@AndyAsAdjective: The new employee manual at work mislabeled "casual Friday" as "cannibal Friday" & sadly we lost poor Dorothy before anyone could stop Fred.
@NervousJr: There's awkward, and then there's listening to a man try to have a conversation with his hairdresser.
@VelouriaDaze: *walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!