@FSUSteve: I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
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@thecrabbyhook: Sometimes I like to spend my Sunday afternoon being screamed at by a 5 year old for eating the sandwiches I made for her imaginary friend.
@IamEnidColeslaw: That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.
@tealbluejay: Calm down penguins. You're just a flashy suit and a few body parts away from being a platypus.
@JohnLyonTweets: This haunted house sucks. It's just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, this is real life? NOOOOOOOOOO!