@celebrityhottub: I'm on a plane with the dad from Home Alone and it's taking all my strength to not scream "WE FORGOT KEVIN!"
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@3sunzzz: [lunch date] "I'll have a salad." Narrator: Ursula then returns home and eats Fritos, Cool Whip and what appears to be leftover meatloaf.
@StrugglesBGbb: My mom told me today that she is surprised I don't have a cat. I told her I was surprised she has a husband.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're not like other girls. 3-year-old: *continues looking for the right Barbie to fight her dinosaurs*
@BringDaNoyz: ME: I shot a man in Reno-- YOU: Just to watch him die? haha ME: I'm a desert photographer, Russell, you know this.