@ashleyaustrew: I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
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@Playing_Dad: Wife: OMG the baby just swallowed some Scrabble tiles! Me: Which ones? Wife: BLTOUR & E Me: Well, that could spell trouble
@LurkAtHomeMom: Legal tip for men: if you get a free t shirt at a bar, you're not required to keep it forever, like they can't arrest you if u throw it out.