@LuvPug: I'm only a vegetarian so people won't invite me anywhere
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Batman & Joker at a table in Arkham Asylum] Joker: Wanna know I got these Scars? *He gestures at his Lion King action figures* Batman: Ugh
@causticbob: News: IKEA pledges 1 billion euros to help slow climate change. But knowing IKEA, it will take forever to put the money together.
@MommaUnfiltered: I'm at the grocery store at 10pm buying a bottle of wine with a bag of quarters... I understand why you want to see my ID.
@SteveKoehler22: Painting safety tip : When house painting from a ladder, never step back to admire your work.