@Jennarater: I'm only drinking two beers. Because I have self control and two beers
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@alive_and_dying: One day, when you least expect it, every single one of your problems will finally be gone. Oddly enough, so will you.
@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
@TitansHomer: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce. *drops mic, throws up dynasty sign*