@nowarranty: I'm only two people away from having a love triangle.
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@Tommytoughstuff: Is that a banana in your pocket or... oh wait that is a banana. Sir I'm with super market security. Please come with me.
@thongbeard: Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.
@jackmackenroth: If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.
@_Tempo11: I like to say something disgusting which makes someone else say something more disgusting then I call them a pervert.