@POTerritory: I'm Phoenician, as in, "Nobody better stop me from Phoenician all of these donuts."
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@all_about_today: What I've learned from twitter is that if I tell a joke to 1,300 people, at least 2 will laugh.
@werehedgehog: Good Will Hunting (2018): Dystopian movie about a near future in which everyone with an ounce of good will is mercilessly hunted and killed.
@weinerdog4life: The instructions for this tent is just a picture of a husband yelling at his wife, that's weird.
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.