@VodkaThursday: I'm putting "open bar" on my invitations, but its gonna be a cash bar. Just because its my 3rd wedding doesn't mean u can skip it, slackers.
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@matt___nelson: DOG 911: what's your emergency? DOG: *whispering* they put me in a stroller DOG 911: *covers phone* WE'VE GOT A CODE SLIGHTLY DARKER GREY
@IncrediblyRich: I'm wearing my big rolled up socks again today and I'm doing so with pride. So all you haters can get in a taxi and chip off.
@mrtruthandsoul: Darth Vader: Join me on the Dark Side, Luke! Luke: I'll never join you! Vader: We have flex hours and Pizza Fridays! Luke: NOOOOOO!!!
@Sassafrantz: As a mom, I know nothing good happens after you hear one of your kids yell "JOHN CENA!!"