@stockejock: I'm ready to be a father now that I've successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he's so happy, he's relaxing & floating on his back...wait...
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@Darlainky: Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
@ArfMeasures: ALLIGATOR: I'm gonna eat you ME: But we could be friends. You could be my palligator A: Ok for that I'm gonna somehow try to eat you twice
@WilliamAder: Do those "selfie sticks" retract, or do you just have to walk around like a doofus with a stick all day?
@biggt1973: Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana