@sssub23: I'm really not sure how many times I'll search for my phone with the flashlight on my phone before I realize I'm an idiot....
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@dafloydsta: [buying a wood chipper] ME: So does blood splatter everywhere when a body goes in? SALESMAN: What? ME: What?
@FatherWithTwins: *young woman walks by Wife: Wow, she looks really good, don't you think? Me: NO WAY, I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT
@ColIegeStudent: using microsoft word *moves an image 1 mm to the left* all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Where were you the night of the murder? CROW: I was with a group of friends COP: What would you call that group? CROW: …I want a lawyer