@Adar79Angie: I'm scared. I have this weird stabby pain in my chest and it really hurts and..Dorito. It was a Dorito in my bra.
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@_troyjohnson: Son, my best advice is to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her. She knows how to make bad decisions and stick with them.
@TheAlexNevil: Fortune Cookie: You will go on a date with a beautiful woman. She could do so much better.
@murrman5: [determined not to have any awkward silence during date] "so, what's your favorite part of a banana?"