@frogpissmouth: moses: watch me split the red sea in half red sea: i've got a boyfriend

@pinupteacher: The "Ooooo" the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower.

@Douchekevin: Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge.

@R0ckG0d88: Damn girl, are you an appendix because I have no idea what you do but this weird feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.

@RandiLawson: Any restaurant can be family style if the waiter criticizes your order