@Mike__Lee: I'm sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they've won the Canadian lottery.
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@Birdhumms: "Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share.
@OneFunnyMummy: Silent Night is my favorite song about my kids staying at their grandparent's house.
@AnkCoupleTO: [job interview] HR: *reading medical history* it says here you're a former addict? Me: *snorting lines off the desk* typo