@Mike__Lee: I'm sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they've won the Canadian lottery.
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@buttgh0st: [following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho
@jimmytorosian: [two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist] ...But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy
@JasonLastname: Show your neighbor they shouldn't park their boat outside of their house by filling it with two of every animal.
@CatherineLMK: I'm dressing for the weather I desperately want, not the weather I currently have.