@Darlainky: I'm smart. Just not remembers how to write a cursive Z, smart.
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@OtherDanOBrien: [God creating me] And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety [the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in] [God shrugs] He'll be fine
@XplodingUnicorn: Kids: *doing something they shouldn't* Me: Stop or I'll be mad Kids: *keep doing it* Me: Stop or Mom will be mad Kids:*stop immediately*
@pro_failure: My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don't understand science.