@XGroverX: "I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby." Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned "Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."
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@AngelaEhh: I'm sorry I stabbed all your tires, but in my defense you flirted with me and then said you were just kidding.
@QwertyJones3: HER: You can't even go 5 minutes without making a Star Trek reference. ME: Yes I Khan.
@dulcetry: Rapture's tomorrow. Christians will be flying up into the air to meet Jesus. Two words: DUCK HUNT
@BevisSimpson: To little kid eyeing my McDonalds: thats right i can eat this any time i want... Dont ask about any of the other parts of my life please.