@XGroverX: "I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby." Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned "Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."
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@KeetPotato: [rookie undercover] *walks up to dealer* "yo you a cop" um no "hmm ok what you want" EIGHT COCAINES PLEASE *gives thumbs up to chief in car*
@TitansHomer: My wife started clipping coupons to help me save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
@ProudFFAalumni: My son's taking French and my daughter is learning sign language and now I have no idea what anyone's talking about anymore.