@bourgeoisalien: I'm so lazy, if I got kidnapped I’d just think, “Well, this is where I live now.”
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@Manda_like_wine: In my dream I see us all standing together, throwing away differences and rallying for the abolition of mayo escape-holes in loaf bread.
@Sickayduh: Hey girl are you a Sony Pictures movie because I wanna [end of joke redacted due to foreign pressure]
@4SLars: [Explaining nomenclature to my niece] Well, you see, celebrities used up all the good names the year you were born, Fancy Feast.
@Reverend_Scott: How's school, Hannah? "Really tough, dad." They're calling you Hannah Banana, aren't they? "No-" WHY THE HELL NOT