@bourgeoisalien: I'm so lazy, if I got kidnapped I’d just think, “Well, this is where I live now.”
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@LosLos__: Me: I love you, too...umm... [Wife says her name] Me: See? After all these years we're still finishing each other's sentences.
@Cheeseboy22: My 8yo son spent 45 minutes perusing and closely inspecting the 31 flavors to finally decide on "chocolate."
@philefanaddict: The babysitter wanted $25.00 an hour this weekend, so I just bought my kid an iPad instead.
@Vodkantots: 3: Why are you putting on makeup, Mommy? Me: So I look less tired. 3: Why are you tired? Me: Because I'm a mom. 3: Why are you a mom? Me: 3: