@samalmightysam: I'm so poor I can't even pay for my own consequences.
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@Heather2Go: To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either.
@iwearaonesie: *smoke detector chirps* me*takes battery out* *chirp* me*cuts wires* *chirp* me*smashes it with a hammer* *chirp* wife:We have more than one
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: By your age I was on my 3rd child already. Me: Wow that's a lot of kids to eat in a such a short period of time.
@brianbowman73: I shot a man in Reno, Just to watch him cry. It was just a Nerf gun you big baby!