@electrolemon: i'm so sorry sir, but we here at chase bank don't accept gun-for-money exchanges. and we need an amount, not just "all the money you got"
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@Elizasoul80: Me: "I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself." Twitter: lol, you said "came".
@weinerdog4life: A good way to make friends is to crawl under the bathroom stall quickly before they can get away
@nonchalantnacho: Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.
@Muath_tu: Apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office.