@checkyourfox: I'm sorry I got you birth control for Christmas and said it was my gift to the world.
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@msgwenl: The thing about eating broken cookies is there's no way to know how many you had. "You ate the whole ba-" THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW.
@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.
@silent_musings: Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
@weenbeans: *rubs temples* security guard: Hey you! Stop touching the historic buildings at this ancient religious site!!