@SamuelHLowe: I'm sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don't really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
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@LizHackett: No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence "We need to leave in ten minutes."
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What would you say is your greatest strength? I'm pretty humble. Actually, I'm incredibly humble. Amaaaaazingly humble.
@joerogan: I know I spend too much time on my phone because I was reading a magazine and I just tried to enlarge the picture by spreading my fingers.
@squirrel74wkgn: All these gifts today better get me laid. Wife (in a narrator's voice): ...but, then she overheard him talking...and he never did get laid.