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@Dr_powpow: I'm sorry I picked up dog poop using your selfie stick.
@TheTweetOfGod: I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken.
@patnspankme: If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
@MarlonBrandNO: Jay-Z has an underachieving brother named Lay.
@AimeeHelene1: 1st day of hunting season:
*puts on camo*
*climbs up in tree stand*
*waits w/binoculars to see one hunter accidentally shoot another hunter*
@MarlonBrandNO: Me: I have Schrödinger like reflexes
"Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"
Me: Yes and No.