@JesKeepSwimming: I'm sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
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@Michael1979: Therapist: Your relationships fail due to your selfishness *I slip him a twenty* T: They fail because you're great & everyone else is awful
@TheBoydP: I never thought I'd be someone who complains about the quality of the prosciutto on his charcuterie board but here I am…
@rickkondell: There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
@w00f_w00f: Hate it when couples fight & change their relationship status to "single". I fight with my parents, and don't change my status to "orphan".