@iinkedZombie: I'm sorry, I’m about to lose you because I’m driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot
@MouthOfSass: While I appreciate your enthusiasm, auto flush toilet, I kinda wanted to see that.
@iwearaonesie: wife: I wish you were more romantic me *starts biting the chicken nugget I'm eating into the shape of a heart*
@HepatitisAtoZ: the corner of the glass coffee table stalks its prey, ready to attack the shin of any unlucky soul that sleepily stumbles in striking range