@SortaBad: I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience
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@TheBeerGuy73: A N U S B U T T M U F F ~ My reply when the optometrist asks me to read the lower lines, regardless of what I see
@LoriLuvsShoes: My 16: "How come when my friends come over you're suddenly the nicest mom in the world?"
@GrantTanaka: [writes THIS IS A ROBBERY on a deposit slip, slides it to teller] [teller writes something, slides it back] NO THIS IS A DEPOSIT SLIP