@SortaBad: I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience
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@TheTweetOfGod: Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.
@mstluvstrinkets: The look on my husbands face while watching a Victoria's Secret commercial tells me exactly where all my catalogs went.