@brunopieroni: I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office.
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@WalkingOutside: My preschooler talks a lot of trash when we play Chutes and Ladders for someone who needs help counting his spaces.
@Parentpains: In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with.
@david8hughes: [fakes allergic reaction at dinner] Me: I-I'm- [clutches chest & falls to floor] I'm gonna need you to pay for me
@Michael_Erhart: "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" "Well, alright." "Girl, I feel with my nerves."